My Blog

My path to self discovery

I desperately need something more out of life.  I feel extreme guilt for needing anything.  I have it made really. I have a wonderful husband and kids.  We have a comfortable home and all the things that fill it.  Am I just being a brat?  I have read that many career counselors recommend blogging and/or journaling as a great method of "finding yourself".  This is why I do this blog.  I probably will seem like a bipolar, schizophrenic gemini because my thought and moods are all over the spectrum.  This is, however, strictly for cathardic purposes so I will just let it flow. 

The first step is, I guess, trying to figure out what the heck it is I need or want.  I have no idea how to answer that question.  I have lost myself in being a mother.  Being a mom with remain my priority, but I am convinced that I can have complete fulfillment as well.  I have brainstormed ideas of some things I would like to try.  I plan to try at least on thing a week.  My goal being; find a hobby, job or activity that I can be passionate about.  I guess that is like kissing frogs....trying many until I find just the right one. This is not about getting "me time" or being treated to spa time....this is all about adventure and obtaining a sense of pride.  I just don't know where to start!!!  HELP...

The Holidays are OVER! I must say this year I had an exceptional Holiday season. For whatever reason, I felt closer to and appreciated time with extended family more. It may be due to losing my father-in-law this past year. It may just be a simple blessing that God has given me. Either way, I truly enjoyed Hanukkah, Christmas and New Years celebrations. I believe that my husband and kids were happy as well and as everyone knows, that warms any mothers heart =) That being said....the kids go back to school tomorrow and it is now time for some adventure!

Are you kidding me?!?!

This happens every year during the Holidays.  I, like most mothers, spread myself too thin. Today, I have the overwhelming feeling of "do I do ANYTHING right?".  Well, to be more specific, does anyone else see that I do anything right?  It seems the harder I try to please people the more grief I get.  It's okay because that means that I am putting my self out there.  And the truth is, that is does not matter what they all think......I know that I am doing a lot of good.  If my family doesn't see it that way then someone else will.  And that will be where I choose to focus my efforts.  This is why my first endeavor will involve volunteer work.  I know that I will develope great sense of pride by helping those that need it and let those spoiled ingrates fend for themselves. LOL.

What held me back today??  Illness and goofiness :)  I have strep throat. Despite that, I got myself dressed and ready to go finish all of our Christmas shopping and get things for my son's birthday party (Note to all:  DO NOT have your children within 2 weeks of Christmas!!  It is such a beating....For those doing the math, mid to late March is a no woopy time of year).  Exhausted and achey, I reach for my keys.  That was 30 hours ago and still have not found them!!! UGH...... not sure what I am going to do.  Today was tough, even with my helmet. :/

It's a Wonderful Life :/

I have a life that many woman (and men, I suppose) would love to have.  I am a 37 year old married mother of three.  I have been primarily a stay-at-home mom.  I have worked jobs here and there and even run my own small business.  So I can say with authority that the mom job is, by far, the hardest.  I have the luxury of not having to work and I choose to be the care provider for my own kids.  It is important to me to be at school parties, field trips etc.  It is awesome and I truly love my life.......so what am I bitching about???  Well here is the ugly truth.  As a stay at home mom (SAHM),  I have sacrificed much of myself.  My career goals, hobbies and frankly my appearance have been put on hold.  I have learned over the past 14 years to make time to unwind throughout the day.  I know how to relax with a good book and a glass of wine. I have been taking care of my physical self, but I am missing something very important!  I miss having something to be proud of.  Ofcourse, I am proud of my kids, my husband and proud of what a great mother I am....blah, blah, blah! But I am more than a wife and a mother.  I need to have something to be proud of, unrelated to my investment in my family.  The dilemma, as with most moms, is that we forget what we used to love to do.  I am on a quest to find something that I enjoy and can be proud of.   The only way to do this is to try it all!  The problem,  life gets in the way.... between grief, midlife crisis, puberty x2, premenopause, sports and general day to day life it is hard to try new things.   However, I am determined and will soldier on, cautiously and wearing my "helmet".